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I was always fanatic about raising kids, even though I never wanted to have any!  I remember sitting in our big basement in Detroit, lining up my dolls, being both their teacher and parent.  Okay, so I also liked to control thing!  My dolls never complained.  I was patient, understanding and empowering even back in 1959.  Of course the day came when I wanted to have kids and had a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy and was told I could probably never have kids.  Then I was devastated!

That’s human nature.  We want what we can’t have, we don’t want what we are afraid of and on and on.  Well, I did get pregnant and did have three daughters.  And, most of that time I ended up raising them as a single parent–you know, how many moms and dads feel even when they are married!  That’s human nature!  Or is it?

I realize now that of course we were raised by a generation that was coming out of a depression and a time of “fitting in, looking good.”  And then those damn hippies I love ripped all that fantasy of who we were right down to the reality of what we are.  We are human.  We evolve based on our experiences as individuals and collectively as a culture.  We are transforming as we speak, and parenting has to evolve to to understanding that you are raising a human being, not a replica of what we think in the moment is right or wrong.

Humans tend to think things shouldn’t change in spite of the fact that they always do.  Now just how smart is that?  Really, look at people as they age.  ”I remember when candy was 10 cents a bar.”

My reply is usually, “You know you sound old when you look at the past as if it shouldn’t change.  Life changes dramatically over time, and sometimes in a moment.  Things happen and the best parenting is giving  your child the opportunity to grasp all the life skills they can muster during a day, supporting them as they go, and working through their emotional road blocks that hold them back.

So remind your child that your decisions can change also, just like theirs!  So can their grades, their interests, and on and on….

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