So my friend and business partner, Cliff, did a Webinar with me today on today on what he saw when he took his kids to the park.
Two mothers were sitting on a picnic table drinking their latte’s and having lunch, while their two kids were running around playing. Then Cliff heard one say, “If you want your cookie come.” No response from the kids. ”Come here if you want your cookie.” Still no response. Cliff was shocked that this parent was basically treating her child as a trained pet! What’s the difference?
Many of us have pets, and we know they feel what we feel, our energy, something. The big difference is that our pets don’t know it! They respond to how we feel but they don’t think about it all the time. Most of the time, except for extreme trauma, our pets live in the moment. Think of this mother as “training” her child.
Eventually she might get the desired outcome, but she may also be raising a child whose brain associates food with behavior (addiction potential). She could also yell and scream at this child and she may get the desired outcome, but her child will shut down emotionally and that creates another undesirable outcome.
We want to condition our kids, not train them. That is the same thing Cesar Milan promotes with dogs, a method of taking the daily experiences a dog has and grooming them to balance through the training and associations they make. Establishing trust through exercise, boundaries and affection. It is easier to condition our kids when they are balanced rather than when they are shut down. So, we always look at the parents and how they are relating to their child….the GPS Mom might have done this….
“Jimmy, Sara and I have some important things we want to talk about during lunch. Could you please walk around a path that is as far as you two want to play in today so we can agree on it before hand. Then, I can count on you to stay within that boundary, okay?”
You could take some flour and have your son sprinkle a perimeter he agrees to stay within, etc.
Engage your child in conversation that allows him or her to help you figure out a solution for meeting your needs! They love being involved! You have to know what you need and communicate it clearly. EXERCISE IS A GOOD START, getting the body balanced and feeling good. 10 minutes gets the endorphins on the move! BOUNDARIES require good communication and the ability to state your needs. AFFECTION is important in how the message is delivered. Emotional abuse is just as or more powerful than physical.